Tag Archives: self

Exposed

You shined a light on me

Revealing what I could not see

Maybe I was dumb and naive

Or maybe I was calculated and spiteful

Honestly I’ll never know

I feel so exposed, exposed, exposed

You shined a light on my past

Even my childhood days

Revealing all the ways

All the chaos I’d create

Maybe I was a victim of prey

Or maybe I was dangling bait

Honestly I’ll never know

I feel so exposed, exposed, exposed

You shine a light on the future

Brightness upon a new path

It takes a while to make change last

Maybe you’ll disappear in time

Yet the light is always going to shine

One thing I know for sure

Is that we all must take responsibility

Even for the things we cannot see

Intention is irrelevant

Innocence

Is not to be confused with ignorance

I.D.

I dreamt that I was rushing, we were all rushing onto a plane

Rushing, rushing, rushing, so I would not miss that gate

No time for security check, straight on the plane we go

Should’ve double checked my bags, cause I left my ID at home.

So then we flew to another state, only after arrival did I see

That I would never be able to catch a flight back home without my ID

Then I cried, I cried buckets of tears, the crying would not stop

Because I knew I could never feel at home while my identity was lost.

Only when I was fast asleep could I let myself fully feel

Leaving yourself far behind and not knowing how to deal

All because I was rushing ahead to get somewhere I don’t belong

I need to spend more quality time with ME or else she will be gone.

Self-care Sunday ~ an introduction

As much as you may hear about “self-care,” most people do not truly understand what it means, or the importance of it.

Self-care means to take care of oneself, to acknowledge your needs, to check in with your mind and your body.

On autopilot mode, we tend to live too deeply in our heads and ignore our bodies. We let our thoughts take over and control us. The mind is easily manipulated but the body is strong, wise, and has a lot to say. There is so much tension and achy-ness in our bodies that we would rather ignore it and pretend it’s not there rather than address it. So we need to make a conscious effort to listen to our bodies and learn what we need.

Here is how it goes — something bothers you in your mind so you push it away and force yourself not to think about it. When you push it away, it does not magically disappear but instead travels to your body. For example, you are scrubbing harder when you clean, your jaw is clenching when you sit still, your shoulders are squeezed too far upright as you walk — and you do not notice this as it happen. Then the accumulation of tension builds up to the point where your body is screaming at you and now you finally notice, but by now it’s too late.

You can live more in your body by:

  • Exercising more, participating in more physical labor-related tasks. Do not spend your whole day sitting down.
  • Stretching
  • Feel your breathing by repeating “inhale” in your head as you inhale and “exhale” in your head as you exhale.
  • Drop your shoulders as you walk but keep your chest held high
  • Spend a moment thinking about a specific body part, ex your stomach. Simply bringing awareness to a body part helps you live in your body.

**Living in your body is one of the many ways to practice “grounding,” which causes you to feel more present and relieve anxiety.**

Continue reading Self-care Sunday ~ an introduction

Elements of the self

What is innocence?

It is the ground, the soil of the earth. It is the very beginning. It knows nothing: neither right nor wrong. Everything simply is. There is no knowledge, no prior experience to build a solid belief system. It is the fool. It will accept everything without question, refusal, or denial — absorbing it all like a sponge. Like the ground, it accepts both the nourishing rain and the polluting litter. It has no guard or defense mechanism. There is unsuspecting trust, blind optimism, and illogical hope. To be in the presence of innocence brings a sense of feeling accepted, unjudged, and able to let one’s guard down. Innocence is peaceful and calming: it will never test you or trick you into anything because it does not have the capacity to see any living creature in a negative light. It never seeks revenge because it has no developed concept of justice. There is a saintly need to protect innocence before painful experiences cause it to cease existing.

What is ambition?

It is the fire. It the determination to take action. It is a limitless energy, building upon itself and getting stronger with time. There is intense focus burning down a razor sharp path. Unlike innocence, ambition is completely knowledgable and fully aware of exactly what it wants. There is an unshakable, inner faith. A deep understanding of oneself sparks the confidence that pushes forth ambition. It seeks righteousness through passionate expression. Anyone who attempts to control it only adds more fuel to the fire. Such powerful energy is required for creation — yet in order to create, one must first destroy. Ambition is the driving force behind change. It is both extinction and renewal joined together to breed something new. Ambition is never fully satisfied with the present: fixated on the future and always thirsting for more. This energy exists on a supernatural plane because it is the process of manifestation which is just another word for “magic.”

What is expression?

It is the wind, the movement of the air. It is the product of shifting energies. It can whistle loudly and whisk through the trees, or be gentle like a soft breeze. It is clever and sharp-minded; while ambition may have full awareness of oneself, expression has full awareness of everyone, because it is everywhere (like the air we breathe.) It exists in an infinite amount of forms; it is ever-changing and can be perceived in an infinite amount of ways. It is the sharing of information representing one’s own personal truth. It flows through every being to form a chain. It travels from one person to the next, interconnecting one another. It is the exhaling of thoughts that the surrounding environment inhales. It is the community, the greater whole, the collective consciousness. It is the interactive web that holds every living creature together on a spiritual level, yet not at all visible to the physical eyes.

What is regeneration?

It is the water that washes away all impurities and removes all blockages. It is the rebirth of a new cycle, the finale before the next act, the ending before the new beginning. It is the forgiveness of the judgement day. It is the rebalancing of the scale. The heavy body becomes lighter while swimming in the ocean; gravity loses its affect. It breaks the chains of compulsion, habit, and anything else that one feels tied to. All that has been tainted is now purified. Deep introspection helps the mind become more fluid and shape itself into something fresh through new patterns of thought. Knowledge is disintegrated and ripped apart into pieces until completely dissolved. The past is forgotten and a space is created for new experiences that will give birth to a new belief system. This clears the way for innocence to be reclaimed once again.

Day 18: post 30 facts about yourself

  1. When I was about three-years old, I banged my forehead against a table and got 20 stitches. The scar is still there.
  2. I declared myself a vegetarian when I was in 7th grade even though I would have the occasional bacon or pepperoni, very rarely though. Then in the 9th grade I ate a chicken nugget meal from McDonalds and from that point on I have never been tempted to eat meat, ever. If I ever do eat meat again it will be fresh dear or something.
  3. I took dance lessons from when I was four-years old up until I graduated high school, then I was on the dance team in college for two years. I’ve done ballet, pointe, lyrical, tap, jazz, hip-hop.
  4. I did cheerleading in junior and senior year of high school. I was a flyer and I did some stunts but nothing crazy. I’m glad I tried it but I definitely prefer dance.
  5. I played the trumpet in middle school, and I sang chorus middle school and high school.
  6. I went to Del Val for college and majored in small animal science, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made to do that. My first semester I went to Kutztown for psychology and I made some nice friends there but overall it was a huge mistake and I really don’t know how I got there. I really did not think my college plans through, until I got there. And then I basically let fate lead me to Del Val, and I had never felt so confident that I knew I was on the right path.
  7. My favorite color is a tie between pink and purple. Right behind that is green.
  8. I love when it rains. (Even better when it thunderstorms.)
  9. I’m really good at numbers and years/dates. If someone talks about something that happened I will always know the exact date and year, or I will know the exact year a song/movie came out. Like, for example if my mom brings up a family vacation I’ll be like, “yes, that was summer 2005” without any hesitation. I swear there is a calendar in my mind. And just numbers in general come natural to me, math was always such an easy subject that I could even somewhat enjoy.
  10. My favorite animal has always been cats, mainly your typical house cat but I like the wild ones too. I still love dogs though and can’t wait to have one soon.
  11. I’m 5’3 and a quarter.
  12. I really dislike going out to eat, especially if it’s a really fancy restaurant. I really like just getting takeout and eating at home.
  13. I am a nature freak, I love hugging trees and rolling in the grass and climbing logs.
  14. I have been writing in a journal since the 7th grade. I have gone through many, many journals. I tend to write on average a couple times a week.
  15. I was born and raised on Long Island, but whenever I would visit relatives in PA I would wish to live there someday because I love the spacious and woodsy environment.
  16. I am extremely introverted almost to the point of anti-social. I love my friends greatly but always need my space. I have my talkative moments but generally I prefer silence.
  17. I am fascinated with astronomy — also astrology, mythology, and all the inspiration that comes behind the stars & planets.
  18. I am a very picky eater, not only vegetarian but I dislike a lot of food. I don’t like chocolate, most vegetables, most cheeses, most ethnic foods, any type of salad dressing or dipping sauce, I don’t even like cake or ice cream that much, or anything with a mushy texture. If there are different foods on my plate then they cannot be touching. Honestly I just don’t even like food that much in general, which pisses people off.
  19. I have a fear of riding horses because when I was seven-years old I got thrown off a horse and luckily someone caught me, but it was absolutely terrifying. Also, my middle name Cyrena is named after my great-grandmother who passed away from a horse riding accident.
  20. I am horribly terrified of butterflies! I think they are even scarier than spiders! A butterfly house is my absolute worst nightmare. Don’t bring me there.
  21. I love mysteries and everything pertaining to the occult. I love reading about conspiracy theories and getting my mind screwed with.
  22. I enjoy drinking tea. I never drink coffee, it tastes too strong (I told you I am a picky eater) even the sugary coffee drinks at Starbucks taste yucky to me. Plus, I try not to consume too much caffeine because of my anxiety issues.
  23. Currently, most of my clothing comes from American Apparel (they are ethically made and sweatshop-free!)
  24. Spirituality is so important to me, I don’t like to talk about it too much but it is something I think about a lot.
  25. It’s my dream to create my own little humane/non-violent/no-kill farm someday. I think it’s possible.
  26. It’s important for me to set goals and focus on them and reach that feeling of accomplishment. Also, my own creative projects. Intrinsic motivation is so much more important to me than extrinsic motivation. Accomplishing something for the sake of others makes me feel like a phony. But when I am working against myself, my own greatest enemy, it feels like something on a much deeper, soul level. –Because we are here to follow our hearts, not to meet unrealistic demands of the selfish needs of others. We are free souls, not robotic slaves.
  27. I feel like most people take life too seriously and that it’s vital to take a step back and just breathe every once in a while. All the stress is not worth it. I think we should all embrace the fact that everyone is crazy in their own kind of way. I like to be silly and make fun of myself, and I like people who can do the same.
  28. I like to make mixed CDs for myself and sometimes for others. I have like a hundred CDs in my car. It’s weird but I love making “the perfect playlist” and putting songs in “the perfect order”. It’s not like I am a perfectionist but it does give me a strange sense of control. It doesn’t have the randomness of a playlists. I love CDs no matter how old-school they are becoming, that just adds to the nostalgic charm of it.
  29. I broke my right leg when I was six-years old. Had to wear a big fat cast for a while from the tip of my toes to the top of my thigh.
  30. Overall I have a minimalistic attitude. I don’t need things to be fancy because I feel like that’s what makes people snooty and uptight. I want a simple life, I think simplicity is sacred.