Tag Archives: self love

Self-care Sunday ~ NOT OK IS OK

It’s okay to say that it’s not okay.

It helps to take a step back and look at the big picture, see how our problems are tiny and irrelevant when you think about the planet, compared to the size of the sun, compared to the size of the solar system — the galaxy — the entire universe. But life is not lived through that point of view. We do not have a bird’s eye of the universe — just our incredibly limited perception. So it’s normal to feel like your problems are the size of the universe, because from your own perspective, that is entirely true.

Some say that “everything is meant to be,” that hardships happen for a reason, that negative experiences teach us great lessons. And I do believe in the accuracy of all those statements. However, I also believe that sometimes we do make wrong turns and sometimes a lack of protection and information leads to real danger.

I think it’s freeing to say, “you know what? Today sucks. Everything sucks. I hate everything.” Because then you can let it go, and maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes you need to let yourself fall apart. Otherwise, it’s like continuing to put icing on top of a stale cake. It’s not going to taste any better no matter how much you try to cover it up. Just restart and bake a new, fresh cake. 

I.D.

I dreamt that I was rushing, we were all rushing onto a plane

Rushing, rushing, rushing, so I would not miss that gate

No time for security check, straight on the plane we go

Should’ve double checked my bags, cause I left my ID at home.

So then we flew to another state, only after arrival did I see

That I would never be able to catch a flight back home without my ID

Then I cried, I cried buckets of tears, the crying would not stop

Because I knew I could never feel at home while my identity was lost.

Only when I was fast asleep could I let myself fully feel

Leaving yourself far behind and not knowing how to deal

All because I was rushing ahead to get somewhere I don’t belong

I need to spend more quality time with ME or else she will be gone.

Self-care Sunday ~ Teach yourself

You spend your first chunk of life in school, being forced to learn things that bore you and often seem purposeless. School is less about learning and more about conditioning you to detest learning. Multiple choice tests encourage shallow thinking. It counteracts second-guessing, reassessment, and reevaluation — all the things that open your mind to new ways of thought.

Knowledge is an amazing thing that can enhance your world and give you more power. There is so much information out there and it’s just waiting for you to utilize it.

Do not go about the world expecting others to teach you things. Do not rely on school being your only source of education. And do not shortcut your way to knowledge through money. Otherwise, you will never learn the things you were meant to learn. You will always be a consumer and never a creator.

Find your passions and focus on them. Give yourself more than one, but never more than four or five, different subjects to explore and challenge yourself. You will find more joy in life and realize that you are much smarter than you thought. Let yourself make mistakes and feel like a fool — just keep on building. You can never go backwards unless you stop.

How do you teach yourself:

  • Look up articles online (check your sources.)
  • Read books about your favorite subjects.
  • Invest in whatever equipment or resources you need to exceed.
  • Talk to people with more experience in whatever you are pursuing and be open to their advice.
  • Use your imagination — some people see imagination and knowledge as polar opposites, but they actually can enhance each other.
  • Do it — the most effective way to learn something is not through reading, watching, or listening — but through actively doing it yourself. Experience is the best teacher!

It is vital that you teach yourself things you are passionate about. Otherwise, you are much more likely to lose motivation, burnout, and quit. Knowledge is so grand and overwhelming that if you want to conquer any subject, you must be able to commit yourself enough to get deep.

How do know what specific knowledge awaits for me? How do I find my passions? Next week I will discuss…

Self-care Sunday ~ the soothing effect of pushing yourself

The best way to get ahead in life is gently and with ease. Rushing ahead is only going to make you burnout. We are fragile beings yet capable of so much.

To push someone else is draining, wasteful. We tend to push others because we are too scared or lazy to do something ourselves. –Telling them what to do or how to live.

To feel pushed by another is just as depleting. A great amount of ourselves is used trying to please others, compromise, and balance out conflicting energies. The expectations placed upon us feel heavy and weigh us down.

When you push your own self, you are actually getting somewhere. It can seem like a struggle, but essentially you are cradling your soul. Once you push past the human nature to rebel against yourself, you no longer feel like an enemy of yourself.

Don’t try to get things done by telling others what to do, and don’t let other people tell you what you need to be doing. There is a great imbalance of pushing and pulling in the world. If you do not create your own life, set your own goals, master your own intentions — you will inevitably be the person pushing others or getting pushed by others.

Self-care Sunday ~ an introduction

As much as you may hear about “self-care,” most people do not truly understand what it means, or the importance of it.

Self-care means to take care of oneself, to acknowledge your needs, to check in with your mind and your body.

On autopilot mode, we tend to live too deeply in our heads and ignore our bodies. We let our thoughts take over and control us. The mind is easily manipulated but the body is strong, wise, and has a lot to say. There is so much tension and achy-ness in our bodies that we would rather ignore it and pretend it’s not there rather than address it. So we need to make a conscious effort to listen to our bodies and learn what we need.

Here is how it goes — something bothers you in your mind so you push it away and force yourself not to think about it. When you push it away, it does not magically disappear but instead travels to your body. For example, you are scrubbing harder when you clean, your jaw is clenching when you sit still, your shoulders are squeezed too far upright as you walk — and you do not notice this as it happen. Then the accumulation of tension builds up to the point where your body is screaming at you and now you finally notice, but by now it’s too late.

You can live more in your body by:

  • Exercising more, participating in more physical labor-related tasks. Do not spend your whole day sitting down.
  • Stretching
  • Feel your breathing by repeating “inhale” in your head as you inhale and “exhale” in your head as you exhale.
  • Drop your shoulders as you walk but keep your chest held high
  • Spend a moment thinking about a specific body part, ex your stomach. Simply bringing awareness to a body part helps you live in your body.

**Living in your body is one of the many ways to practice “grounding,” which causes you to feel more present and relieve anxiety.**

Continue reading Self-care Sunday ~ an introduction

One day at a time

It’s okay to take it one day at a time. It’s okay to completely drop your vision of the future that you held for so long, and trade it in for an open mind with no expectations. Life is full of pain no matter what steps you take, so your choices in life should not be about avoiding pain. It is about what truly feels right, not what you “think” should feel right. Real change takes patience; nothing that is impulsive ever lasts. And that is why I am going slow and steady. I think the universe rewards us when we have enough faith to let go. Faith, patience, and strength must be utilized like never before. It would be so easy for me to turn around at any moment instead of following through with that leap. Yet nothing easy in life is ever worth it.

On the other side of the bridge, waiting for me, is myself… the real self who I have been neglecting… the true self who needs to know that she is strong enough to stand on her own two feet… the actual self who has been waiting for far too long… oh, how I wish I could get to her in the blink of an eye. But as I mentioned before, change takes time. And so I walk this bridge one step at a time, one day at a time…

Brave

No one should ever try to “downgrade” themselves just because the people around them can’t handle it. You should embrace who you are — that’s what they say, “accept your flaws, embrace your flaws.” But what about your gifts? You should be allowed to embrace the positive aspects of yourself without feeling guilty about it. As long as you are a nice and respectful person, there is no shame in feeling good about yourself. Unfortunately, society conditions us to feel bad about ourselves.

Certainly, cockiness and arrogance is dangerous. But there is a great difference. There’s a difference between assuming you are untouchable vs. having hope that you won’t break with the knowledge that it’s very possible. There’s a difference between claiming you know everything vs. trusting your intuition with the knowledge that delusion is still a possibility.

So just because someone may come off as confident does not mean that they aren’t full of doubts and fears that haunt them all the time. It’s easy to be intimidated by others but it’s foolish to assume that they think less of you. In fact, there’s a great chance that the person you are intimidated by is actually twice as intimidated by you. We all express ourselves in different ways and it’s unfair to make assumptions about someone’s behavior.

It’s very, very, very sad that all of us humans have been conditioned since birth to have low self-esteem, or to feel guilty about having high self-esteem. For sure, it has a lot to do with keeping the economy going — insecurity makes you buy more things that you don’t need — more makeup, plastic surgery, more clothing, fancy cars, or anything else that’s shiny and boosts your ego. But I think it’s even more than money. It’s simply the human condition.

It’s so difficult to accept that someone has love for you that you overthink and overanalyze their words and actions until you have fully convinced yourself that it’s all in your head. Most people, you could literally write it in the sky that you think they are so beautiful and special, and they still won’t believe you. They will paint you as a vicious liar who’s “messing with you” or “won’t leave you alone” when in reality they are just trying to get it through their brain that YES, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL! I know a lifetime of being conditioned to hate yourself makes it hard to believe, but IT’S TRUE! It doesn’t matter how loud you yell it, some people still can’t hear it.

So what to do? Downgrade yourself and diminish your worth just so you can put a little bit of color in someone’s black heart? No. What you should do is this: continuing being brave, and if you’re lucky, that bravery will spread like a virus and whoever felt nervous of you will catch that bravery and finally understand how incredible they really are!

I think that if everyone in this world was super confident then we would all freely love and support one another without envy or fear of rejection. Confidence makes the world a better place (but not cockiness, there is a difference). So don’t let other people steal your shine. If someone is so nervous of you that they can’t see how much you truly adore them, and everything you do to show them your appreciation of them somehow gets twisted around into something negative, well then you just have to continue being brave.