We have all gone through times when we lose ourselves. When we try so hard to impress someone that we end up doing the opposite. Because if somebody actually likes you then they will appreciate you for who you are. And you need to be yourself. But this is easy to forget.
Sometimes it’s a really great thing to lose yourself because it makes you truly understand the person who you actually are. You may be fighting hard for something that you don’t even want. Exhausting yourself and not getting any energy back in return.
When you finally do come back to yourself, things make more sense. During childhood when you felt pressured to change yourself and struggle with it, you eventually realize that there was a good reason you were built the way you were. And all your “flaws” people tried to tell you that you had, were actually your greatest threats to them.
Theres so much pressure to please others. We go out of our way to make someone happy, who doesnt even care. And then the people who do care — you take it for granted and take all that stress out on them. One day they will be gone and may never realize how much they meant to you.
Getting too tied up in other people’s energies gives me brain fog. I lose clarity and focus — which is really the exact opposite of who I am. It’s not selfish to pull yourself back or set boundaries. We all need space to recharge — some more than others.
People will get offended when you draw lines. And while that anger may be a valid emotion, it should not be used in a manipulative way to repair your bruised ego. We have all had moments when we crossed someone’s line and let that be a lesson for anyone else who tries to do that to you.
Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone can learn from them. I don’t think it’s ever too late to start over. Also I don’t think there is a limit for how many times you start over. Whenever you are feeling hopelessly stuck, it is the time to make purposeful changes. If you want to see a change in your environment then you have to start with changing from within.
And all of these “changes” are actually the things that bring you back to your sense of self. It was the person you have been all along, before everyone else told you who you needed to be. It is in your core and will never be truly lost.
You need to be the person you are meant to be. It will offend a lot of people — the ones who don’t care, the ones who judge and critique, the ones who wish they had courage to be themselves. But it will open your eyes to who actually matters.
So many people just want things from you. Whether it be emotional energy such as constant validation or ego strokes, or physical energy such as your time or money. It’s not okay to keep giving these things with nothing in return. You don’t owe anyone anything, which may be hard for some to accept, but we have all been on both sides of the spectrum. We know it’s immediately hurtful when people draw lines, but in the long term it leads to respect.
It’s uncomfortable to stand your ground which is why so many choose not to. It takes work to open up your eyes and see your surroundings for what they are. This is what it means to turn off autopilot and expand your awareness. When you sleep through your life, you let the wrong people take from you and you don’t give enough to the ones who genuinely deserve it. Are you just satisfying people’s egos or are you telling them to wake up and see their own souls? There are times when you need to put your own ego at risk of looking bad in order to truly cultivate soul growth, which is exactly what this planet needs.
I am writing this for myself because I need to remind myself. It’s so easy to forget. But I hope that anyone else can understand. If you ever feel stuck then that’s how you know you’ve fallen into a habit of making solely subconscious decisions. We underestimate how much we are controlled by our subconscious and therefore sabatoge ourselves.
If you want to have awareness then you are going to need enough energy to keep your eyes open. I’m not talking about chugging caffeine to make it through the day. I’m talking about the type of energy that comes from your heart, the things that excite you and give you life. Surrounding yourself with people who respect you. If you want to figure out who cares, it’s not those who say it through words — but through little details that you can only pick up on if you care enough.
We all have to make it through the mundane. So when I am talking about excitement, it does not necessarily refer to a flashy and glamorous lifestyle. Life is a heavy thing and all of that Hollywood big city glamour is a distraction and cannot compare to the satisfaction of excitement that bubbles from deep within the soul.
And so, I remind myself that truth is the way. My indecisiveness disappears as I become aware of my surroundings and my own self.
