Tag Archives: people

Be yourself

We have all gone through times when we lose ourselves. When we try so hard to impress someone that we end up doing the opposite. Because if somebody actually likes you then they will appreciate you for who you are. And you need to be yourself. But this is easy to forget.

Sometimes it’s a really great thing to lose yourself because it makes you truly understand the person who you actually are. You may be fighting hard for something that you don’t even want. Exhausting yourself and not getting any energy back in return.

When you finally do come back to yourself, things make more sense. During childhood when you felt pressured to change yourself and struggle with it, you eventually realize that there was a good reason you were built the way you were. And all your “flaws” people tried to tell you that you had, were actually your greatest threats to them.

Theres so much pressure to please others. We go out of our way to make someone happy, who doesnt even care. And then the people who do care — you take it for granted and take all that stress out on them. One day they will be gone and may never realize how much they meant to you.

Getting too tied up in other people’s energies gives me brain fog. I lose clarity and focus — which is really the exact opposite of who I am. It’s not selfish to pull yourself back or set boundaries. We all need space to recharge — some more than others.

People will get offended when you draw lines. And while that anger may be a valid emotion, it should not be used in a manipulative way to repair your bruised ego. We have all had moments when we crossed someone’s line and let that be a lesson for anyone else who tries to do that to you.

Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone can learn from them. I don’t think it’s ever too late to start over. Also I don’t think there is a limit for how many times you start over. Whenever you are feeling hopelessly stuck, it is the time to make purposeful changes. If you want to see a change in your environment then you have to start with changing from within.

And all of these “changes” are actually the things that bring you back to your sense of self. It was the person you have been all along, before everyone else told you who you needed to be. It is in your core and will never be truly lost.

You need to be the person you are meant to be. It will offend a lot of people — the ones who don’t care, the ones who judge and critique, the ones who wish they had courage to be themselves. But it will open your eyes to who actually matters.

So many people just want things from you. Whether it be emotional energy such as constant validation or ego strokes, or physical energy such as your time or money. It’s not okay to keep giving these things with nothing in return. You don’t owe anyone anything, which may be hard for some to accept, but we have all been on both sides of the spectrum. We know it’s immediately hurtful when people draw lines, but in the long term it leads to respect.

It’s uncomfortable to stand your ground which is why so many choose not to. It takes work to open up your eyes and see your surroundings for what they are. This is what it means to turn off autopilot and expand your awareness. When you sleep through your life, you let the wrong people take from you and you don’t give enough to the ones who genuinely deserve it. Are you just satisfying people’s egos or are you telling them to wake up and see their own souls? There are times when you need to put your own ego at risk of looking bad in order to truly cultivate soul growth, which is exactly what this planet needs.

I am writing this for myself because I need to remind myself. It’s so easy to forget. But I hope that anyone else can understand. If you ever feel stuck then that’s how you know you’ve fallen into a habit of making solely subconscious decisions. We underestimate how much we are controlled by our subconscious and therefore sabatoge ourselves.

If you want to have awareness then you are going to need enough energy to keep your eyes open. I’m not talking about chugging caffeine to make it through the day. I’m talking about the type of energy that comes from your heart, the things that excite you and give you life. Surrounding yourself with people who respect you. If you want to figure out who cares, it’s not those who say it through words — but through little details that you can only pick up on if you care enough.

We all have to make it through the mundane. So when I am talking about excitement, it does not necessarily refer to a flashy and glamorous lifestyle. Life is a heavy thing and all of that Hollywood big city glamour is a distraction and cannot compare to the satisfaction of excitement that bubbles from deep within the soul.

And so, I remind myself that truth is the way. My indecisiveness disappears as I become aware of my surroundings and my own self.

Indigo Ocean

Her name was Indigo Ocean. And these are the thoughts that ran through her head…

I did not like the way she walked with her shoulders hanging heavy, or the way she talked with her voice nagging… the way that she needed to cling to others because she had no confidence on her own. I did not like the way I found myself overanalyzing her and so I kept my distance.

She was an energy vampire. She thrived from the energy of others, maybe because she was so dead inside. She needed everyone to see her and hear her at all times… especially me… but why me?

I told her I will not change who I am just so that her insecure self can feel validated that I have nothing against her. Maybe I do or maybe I don’t. Why does that even matter to her?

She was so persistent, trying to steal my energy. She never gave up. Finally, one day I totally snapped, and BAM! I shoved her to the ground! I was baffled at how amazing that felt! I hovered over her, laying on the floor. I waited for her to get up, hoping she would shove me back, just so I could push her back harder. But instead, she grinned, and walked away with my energy. She did it! She took my energy! And that night I kept thinking of her, and I absolutely hated it!

The next time I saw her, I froze. She looked better, like she had more confidence now. She was pleased to know that I actually gave a damn about her. And she reached out, not to fight me, but to gracefully run her hand through my hair. And it felt nice.

*An unlikely friendship*

It was the best type of friendship: an unlikely friendship. A kind of friendship that may make you wonder. It was two different aliens on two different planets from two different galaxies.

He was a zany dork who made gross potty jokes and picked on people for laughs. She was awkward and childish like a little brat. And they kind of hated each other, but not actually. In a way, he was avuncular or paternal to her. And she was daughterly to him in a wholesome way. It was a friendship — an unlikely friendship.

But it all just seemed so unlikely, and so it turned into a forced friendship. This was full of stress and anxiety. The more it was attempted to be controlled, the more out of control it became. And then it was no longer.

However, over time there was growth and lessons learned. And, in an unlikely turn of events, the friendship was restored. Expect the unexpected.