Tag Archives: life

All around the world, statues crumble for me

Today, I turn 25-years old!

As I reflect upon these past twelve months, I feel I have made a total transformation. I’ve learned a lot and I continue to grow each year. As you get older, you can either get bitter or get better.

You should never judge what the universe has handed you. Everyone is unique and we all experience different situations. You should never compare your life to others, or the life you picture in your head.

You should be grateful for everything that gets thrown your way, everything you experience. The universe gives you gifts and it would be rude to decline or criticize what is handed to you, even if the packaging is falling apart and the gift is not what you pictured in your head.

If you open your mind wide enough, you can be thankful for each gift — without judgment. You were born to live a special and unique life. You were not born to fit a mold or do what everyone else is doing. You came here to get messy, get dirty, get scars — not to be perfect. It takes a lot of bravery to enjoy your life.

Thinking positive or negative is a choice. When you are down in the dumps, just let yourself feel the pain. Let yourself think that your life is miserable and always will be. Ride those waves. You will be surprised to see that it is only a matter of time before you feel refreshed and happy again.

I have thought a lot about expression and how we express ourselves. I realized how much I appreciate genuine emotion, even if it comes out “negative.” I understand why I act the way I do. I’ve thought a lot about how my unconscious actions can affect others, and how I can be more conscious of my behavior. I’ve thought about how we stand up for ourselves and how we draw boundaries. I’ve reflected upon good intentions that get interpreted negatively.

I feel like this is the year that I had to rebuild my confidence, tare it down and start from scratch. I’ve embarrassed myself so many times but I don’t regret it. I’m proud to say I’ve put my soul out there, and I’ve been judged and shamed for it, but I grew through it and learned how to defend myself and value my own opinion over anyone else’s. If you aren’t making a fool of yourself, then you’re not even living. You have to take risks and chances. People will be intimidated at worst, but inspired at best.

I’m ready for a new beginning!

RISE UP! (a vent)

I feel like nobody takes anything or anyone seriously. Everything is just a joke. Don’t get me wrong because I think it’s important to have a big sense of humor and don’t take things personally… But I feel like no one really thinks about how fragile life is and how precious every single day is.

People basically float day to day without purpose or consciousness. Everyone plays the “innocent victim” card because they are too scared or too lazy to take control of their lives and responsibility for their actions.

There’s a lot of superficial thought, like “if you can’t see it, then it doesnt exist” mentality. People turn a blind eye to what makes them uncomfortable. But if people had more bravery then they could accomplish so much more.

This might not make sense at first because I am a big believer in freedom. But sometimes I do feel like people have… not “too much freedom”… but like, the wrong type of freedom. I think we are so overwhelmed with different choices that we end up giving our power to those who take advantage.

I think people are bored with their false sense of freedom. So much destruction happens due to shallow boredom. People gossip and form cliques because they are bored. They look for problems because they are bored. They need to pick on others in order to distract themselves from their own flaws. They have nothing better to do.

But there is SO MUCH out there! So many books waiting to be read, skills waiting to be learned. Even if you don’t do anything, you will still make better use of your time through mediation and deep introspection. Just sitting there and focusing on your breath is actually going to bring so much more accomplishment than gossiping or picking other people apart.

Drama is a great distraction from our higher selves. Drama is like junk food that our soul gobbles down when it’s craving vitamins and minerals. You will never, ever discover the deep truths of life if you are too caught up in petty drama.

If you want to continue being an innocent victim of your life who faces unfair struggles, don’t expect anything to change. You can change your wardrobe, hair, home, friends, but you will still fall into the same psychological patterns. Nothing is going to change until you start from within.

“If you stand for nothing, then you fall for everything.”

This quote presents great truth. Be conscious. Have character. Stand for something. Don’t let the world tell you who to be, or bully you into hiding your true colors. Everyone will assume that you are confident, no one sees you falling apart behind closed doors. People will treat you like you’re made of stone. So RISE UP!


***VENT RULES! I am not attacking anyone in particular! This is completely personal opinion and not fact! I understand this is black-and-white thinking! Thank you for your open mind and no judgement please! Love & peace!***

Robots

People are conditioned to be robots. We learn from an early age that we will be rewarded for hiding our frustrations or uncomfortable emotions. And so we do what we are told. It pleases others, because (not all, but many) people don’t want the true company of real humans, they want machines who satisfy their needs: someone to distract them from loneliness, to compliment them and stroke their egos, to help them out with their personal needs, etc.

So if you act like a robot — perfect, never too upset or too happy, just swallowing and suppressing everything that makes you human — then sure, you will get some short-term rewards. But you are suppressing the human spirit, not just on a personal level but on a global conscious level. You are disrespecting the sacred spirit that is here for experience and growth. You are feeding into the mechanical perspective of who we truly are. You are degrading not just yourself but every person who exists.

It takes a lot of strength and effort to demand respect. But if you dont demand it then no one will want to give it to you. Many like to pretend they respect others when they don’t even know how to respect themselves. If you feed into this narrative of humans being robots, you will continuously be walked on your whole life, no one will ever acknowledge your true emotions, and you will always feel alone. Yet if you can stand up for this war on consciousness and remind everyone that you are so much more than just a brain and a body, then that will take not just you, but the entire human species so much further than your ego ever could.

Strength through failure

I don’t always take my own advice. Sometimes I feel like I am being tested by the universe itself. And it’s so exhausting that I end up letting my guard down. In the end, I feel untrue to myself.

I remind myself that there is no such thing as a straightforward path. Even when you’re traveling upwards, there will be a few slopes. But the slopes are not important, what matters is the general direction.

I believe that as soon as you proclaim something to the universe, you will be set up with traps, to test you. They are not meant to drive you insane, but to strengthen your vision. Getting through these traps, you realize how easy it actually is to follow your heart!

Yet one moment of tiredness or lack of defense, and I fail my tests. I’m left with frustration and discouragement. Now I have become a liar of my own word — to myself, to anyone else, to the universe.

So there is my opportunity to just give up. And it’s so tempting. But this is yet another test. I am not over until I say I am over. I need this pain of failure — to keep my eyes open, to stay conscious, and never let my guard down even for a second.

Demons & Destiny ~ the final chapter

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3:

The high priest would not reveal his vision. Instead, he insisted he saw the same thing that was originally seen by the high priestess years ago. But when Autumn tried asking him specific questions about it, he refused, and insisted on moving past it as if nothing had happened. She knew that he was hiding something, most likely for her protection, or maybe it was for his own protection. It was haunting her, possibilities of things he had or had not seen. Unfortunately there was nothing she could do.

And so this brings us back to the day of Autumn’s arranged marraige. In her last final attempt to be saved, she had snuck into the priest’s office and for the last time begged him for a way out. He would never tell her what he had seen, and he regretted ever taking her on a second spirit quest in the first place. It was not an easy choice for him but he was a man of honor. Autumn’s life was out of his hands and his job as priest was to be a guide, not a boss. She was waiting for someone to tell her what to do, just to avoid any guilt or consequences of her own actions. What she really needed to do was be brave enough to make her own choices.

What happened to Autumn that day, when she ran out of the church after being denied by the priest and forced to face her unchosen fate? No one knows. They have not seen her since she ran away that day. Of course rumors spread like wildfire: she found a richer family to marry into, she found a new priest to take her on yet another spirit quest, or she jumped into the ocean and chose to live with the mermaids. Her parents knew she was safe and alive, as she wrote them letters, but could never disclose the full truth.

Several years — decades — later, a young girl named Blossom found herself in a somewhat similar situation. Her arranged marraige would come to fruition in merely a few days, something that would ensure stability for the rest of her life. And yet she never felt so lost. The young girl, instead of seeking an authority figure, decided to seek answers in nature.

Blossom took a walk through the woods and stumbled upon a rugged home she had always noticed from a distance. Assuming it was abandoned, she trudged through the overgrown greens — and was absolutely shocked to find a perfectly groomed garden resting peacefully behind the house. Letting curiosity get the best of her, she decided to knock on the door. Nothing. A few more knocks… and she spotted eyes peering through the window blinds.

Finally, the door gently creaked open and an old woman with grey hair and wrinkles greeted her kindly, “hello, young girl! What are you doing in this part of the woods? It’s unsafe, especially with the evening approaching… are you lost?”

The older woman looked into young girl’s eyes and recognized a part of herself. It was like looking straight into a mirror from the past.

“I was going for a walk to clear my mind,” Blossom explained, “and stumbled upon this beautiful garden, so enchanting. Is it yours?”

“Yes,” the older woman nodded, “I grow fruit, vegetables, and herbs that I use to make teas and cosmetics that I can sell to the townspeople.” She was bare-faced and wearing a light sundress, “I never go into town without a full face of makeup and heavy cloak.”

“Are you alone?”

She let out a great laugh, “impossible! I’m always surrounded by life, I can’t get away from it. Even when I’m not in the town, I always have the plants and the animals.”

“What about your husband?”

“Let me tell you a little tale,” she grinned, “I was set to be given away like a piece of property. There was some type of ‘off’ feeling I could not shake, but I was so concerned with following my destiny and being supported by the heavens. My high priestess took me on a spirit quest, yet as years passed I kept feeling like her vision was incorrect or misread. As my fate came closer, I panicked and convinced my high priest to take me on a second journey, for confirmation. This time I knew for sure that he had seen something different, but he refused to tell me! So my only option was to go on my very own spirit quest.”

“What do you think he truly saw in his vision?” Blossom inquired, wide-eyed. “Is this it? Is this your true destiny you are living out?”

“I will never know what he saw,” the woman explained, “I used to be very fixated on it, until I realized I was putting too much of my own power into other people’s hands. No one in this world, whether priest or priestess or whatnot, knows what it best for me except for my own self. And I have realized it is so much more difficult to listen to your heart rather than the people who surround you, yet it is one-hundred percent worth it. You have to make your own choices and stand by those consequences, rather than living through victim-mentally, exploiting the privilege of blaming others for your own failures. You have to be strong enough to live for yourself.”

And there she was, as you can guess — Autumn — living out the final season of her life. Her story was written and could never be erased. But this does not mean it was the end for her. Something she had learned in her wise old years was that as soon as you believe your life is set and that there is no room left for change — that’s when destiny takes over and powerfully evolves your soul.

The End

Less trying, more being

In times of insecurity, we find ourselves trying too hard… all for what? Trying hard to impress someone who can’t be pleased, trying to force things and fake things, and so on. It’s too much of a fight and solves nothing. There’s no peace.

But I don’t know how to live this way. It’s a real struggle. I try not to put much pressure on others but it can’t compare to the pressure I put on myself.

Anyway, I’m just trying. I’m trying not to try. I’m trying to just be. But you can’t try to be. You have to just be.

It’s tough, but I can completely accept the fact that some people won’t like me because of the true person I am. However I cannot accept someone disliking me for a false persona that comes from trying too hard, overthinking, worrying, and not staying grounded enough.

It’s about having faith in the universe, trusting it, and believing in yourself.