Tag Archives: lessons

Be yourself

We have all gone through times when we lose ourselves. When we try so hard to impress someone that we end up doing the opposite. Because if somebody actually likes you then they will appreciate you for who you are. And you need to be yourself. But this is easy to forget.

Sometimes it’s a really great thing to lose yourself because it makes you truly understand the person who you actually are. You may be fighting hard for something that you don’t even want. Exhausting yourself and not getting any energy back in return.

When you finally do come back to yourself, things make more sense. During childhood when you felt pressured to change yourself and struggle with it, you eventually realize that there was a good reason you were built the way you were. And all your “flaws” people tried to tell you that you had, were actually your greatest threats to them.

Theres so much pressure to please others. We go out of our way to make someone happy, who doesnt even care. And then the people who do care — you take it for granted and take all that stress out on them. One day they will be gone and may never realize how much they meant to you.

Getting too tied up in other people’s energies gives me brain fog. I lose clarity and focus — which is really the exact opposite of who I am. It’s not selfish to pull yourself back or set boundaries. We all need space to recharge — some more than others.

People will get offended when you draw lines. And while that anger may be a valid emotion, it should not be used in a manipulative way to repair your bruised ego. We have all had moments when we crossed someone’s line and let that be a lesson for anyone else who tries to do that to you.

Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone can learn from them. I don’t think it’s ever too late to start over. Also I don’t think there is a limit for how many times you start over. Whenever you are feeling hopelessly stuck, it is the time to make purposeful changes. If you want to see a change in your environment then you have to start with changing from within.

And all of these “changes” are actually the things that bring you back to your sense of self. It was the person you have been all along, before everyone else told you who you needed to be. It is in your core and will never be truly lost.

You need to be the person you are meant to be. It will offend a lot of people — the ones who don’t care, the ones who judge and critique, the ones who wish they had courage to be themselves. But it will open your eyes to who actually matters.

So many people just want things from you. Whether it be emotional energy such as constant validation or ego strokes, or physical energy such as your time or money. It’s not okay to keep giving these things with nothing in return. You don’t owe anyone anything, which may be hard for some to accept, but we have all been on both sides of the spectrum. We know it’s immediately hurtful when people draw lines, but in the long term it leads to respect.

It’s uncomfortable to stand your ground which is why so many choose not to. It takes work to open up your eyes and see your surroundings for what they are. This is what it means to turn off autopilot and expand your awareness. When you sleep through your life, you let the wrong people take from you and you don’t give enough to the ones who genuinely deserve it. Are you just satisfying people’s egos or are you telling them to wake up and see their own souls? There are times when you need to put your own ego at risk of looking bad in order to truly cultivate soul growth, which is exactly what this planet needs.

I am writing this for myself because I need to remind myself. It’s so easy to forget. But I hope that anyone else can understand. If you ever feel stuck then that’s how you know you’ve fallen into a habit of making solely subconscious decisions. We underestimate how much we are controlled by our subconscious and therefore sabatoge ourselves.

If you want to have awareness then you are going to need enough energy to keep your eyes open. I’m not talking about chugging caffeine to make it through the day. I’m talking about the type of energy that comes from your heart, the things that excite you and give you life. Surrounding yourself with people who respect you. If you want to figure out who cares, it’s not those who say it through words — but through little details that you can only pick up on if you care enough.

We all have to make it through the mundane. So when I am talking about excitement, it does not necessarily refer to a flashy and glamorous lifestyle. Life is a heavy thing and all of that Hollywood big city glamour is a distraction and cannot compare to the satisfaction of excitement that bubbles from deep within the soul.

And so, I remind myself that truth is the way. My indecisiveness disappears as I become aware of my surroundings and my own self.

Lessons I’ve learned in friendship

1. Be grateful — be grateful for people who are kind and caring because that is very rare in life. I have wasted a lot of energy on negative situations when I could have been using that energy to focus on the people who make me happy.

2. Let go of expectations — friendships should not come with contracts or rules you have to follow. Also everyone is unique and we all have different ideas about how to show someone you care.

3. Let go when you know you should — if someone continues to hurt you, there is no need for confrontation or revenge. Sometimes you really do need to sit down with someone and have an honest conversation, if necessary. But if it’s a continuous thing then don’t waste energy on them anymore. They are not going to change, if they really do then it’s something they need to do on their own. Dont take someone else’s inner issues into your own hands. Let them do their own inner work.

4. Time will tell — friends come and go. Some friendships can be so exciting, uplifting, and authentic– yet remain short-lived. Or sometimes you quit being friends with someone for years and you somehow fall back together and refresh your friendship. People flow in and out, it’s normal for people to fight or misunderstand each other. Friends may become enemies, or enemies may become friends. You don’t really know for sure what your timeline is with anybody until you look back one day.

5. Anyone can be your friend — friends don’t have to be exactly the same. You can be total opposites and come from different backgrounds and still get along. You can have different ideas and beliefs about life, but still find a common ground. It’s about being able to put those differences aside for the sake of feeling connected to one another and realizing we are all more similar than we seem.

Day 21: what lessons do you want your children to learn from you?

  • That stress is not worth it, some stress is good but too much of it is just not worth it. You have to realize how deeply stress affects yourself and those around you. You have to find things that calm you down and make the effort to engage in those things as often as you can. It takes a lot of strength to not let yourself get worked up about every little thing.
  • Never forget about how precious life is. Every single day, you put your life at risk, and there are an infinite amount of scenarios that could end it. For example — we drive our cars to work every day which seems like a mundane thing, but fatal accidents happen all the time. Remember that you are never promised tomorrow, so always make today count. Feel your blessings before they are gone.
  • Just follow your heart. It’s going to make everything messier and more painful, but it is also going to open doors that you have never even imagined. Keep yourself grounded — don’t just throw logic out the window. Work with your rationality to find a balance. But when it all comes down to it, you want to look back someday and know that you followed your heart.
  • Everyone is struggling behind the happy show that they put on. We’re all acting, putting on a smile when the camera comes out or being asked “how are you” by people who just want to hear you say “good” and move on. People are just too uncomfortable with sadness and anger. I think if we were free to express ourselves, then it could lead to healing. But people are just too scared of emotion. Even positive emotions like excitement scares people because it’s too strong. We’re all just expected to be kind-of-happy robots.
  • And the rich celebrities are really the best actors of them all. It’s not like I know any of them personally, but it’s clear that they struggle and deal with life’s universal problems. So just don’t get wrapped up in that stuff, don’t stalk celebrities and try to be like them and assume they are gods.
  • When it comes to other people, never try to own/control someone or give them expectations to meet. You are going to be really hurt when a person does not do what you expected of them, which is unfair because that means you are trying to change them. To attempt to change someone is to declare that you do not accept them for who they are. For example, imagine yelling and crying at a daisy for being yellow. Or imagine yelling and crying at a cat for meowing. You think that you are the innocent victim who has been let down, but really you are using emotion as manipulation in order to get what you want. Love people for who they are (and all of their “dirty laundry”), not for the person you want them to be.
  • Let yourself wonder, dream, and explore. There are so many things from childhood you gotta hold onto and don’t let adulthood rip it away. Always keep your inner child alive. “Adults” are not actually “adults,” but simply children who have lived for many, many more years than you.