Tag Archives: death

Graveyard Walk

Take a graveyard walk down memory lane

See all I had to lose, in order to ever gain

See the broken bones and the lifeless hearts

See the sacrifices made, in search of a new start

This tombstone here is so special to me

Lay down roses and imagine what could be

Lay down letters that will never be returned

Lay down sage, light a match and let it burn

The ghosts wander waiting and listening for prayers

Tell them all my secrets I am willing to share

Tell them scary stories about my own waking life

Tell them there is better reason to fear the day, than to fear the night.

The Angel of Death

A deep tunnel of darkness… she walks down, treading lightly. She does not need a candle to light the way, for she is an angel glowing brightly, yet she is a fallen angel. She has fallen down too many deep tunnels of darkness… down the rabbit holes… she is the angel of death. And death is not the end nor the final destination. It is the transformation, the change of perception, energy that is being altered.

And in this dark tunnel, holds emotional gratification over everything that is dark and destructive. There the monster awaits, pouring waves of guilt, shame, and humiliation over her body. She is held captive like a prisoner. The flames of fury spread like a wildfire. People pass by her and watch with judgement, disgusted. She is spat on with shame.

But what is this look on her face? Is it… could it be… a smile? A type of joy that goes beyond simple happiness? Why is she encouraging the monster? The more she pulls, the tighter the chains… but the keys are right there in her pocket. The exit sign is glowing and calling her to break free.

And when limits have been reached, the angel floats above and effortlessly removes herself from the suffering. Breathing fresh air, spreading her wings, and flying away. She returns to paradise seemingly untouched. This is it: Heaven, land of perfection. Everything here is beautiful, flawless, and godly. Pure lightness — not a speck of darkness in sight.

It is only a matter of time before the angel of death finds herself fallen, once again, down another rabbit hole. She does not want to be perfect, or beautiful, or flawless like the other angels. She wants a taste of real life, the type of life that others have always protected her from. They don’t want to see this poor angel hurting. But they don’t understand. Look at the trees and the mountains — crooked and bumpy, yet so breathtaking. Now look at man’s creations — symmetrical and quintessential — so lackluster!

Demons will take her away, and if one is strong enough, it will take her down deeper than any other tunnel she has fallen into before. And it will grow frustrated with her amusement, her satisfaction, and her unshakable faith. She will let it test her, let it question her beliefs, let it break her down. She will absorb its energy like a sponge. Yet the thing is, angels always remain pure in their hearts, even the dark ones. Maybe that’s their curse. No matter how hard someone may try to hurt them, they cannot shake it through their stubborn hearts that everything is love.

The angel of death finds beauty in the ugliness. Does she enjoy abuse? Does she like being controlled and disciplined? Does she seek out regret and rejection on purpose? Perhaps it is something that she subconsciously craves? Is this the key to her own personal heaven? Nonsense… that would be crazy… right?

Maybe the true craziness stems from society’s obsession with perfection, chasing after a fairytale, finding your happily-ever-after, posting your picket fence on a freshly mowed lawn while always feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. Most people are blindly running away from their own demons instead of courageously conquering them.

The angel of death visits the world of light from time to time, but mainly remains in her darkness. She lives with fear but not in fear. She feels pain so much deeper than anyone else, and she welcomes it too. But she also feels joy deeper than anyone else. Not many people can handle her, unless they are capable of weathering storms that can bring both curses and blessings upon their lives. I would not blame anyone who chooses to run away from her. If you can withstand her power, you are brave.

Titan

Very sad news. My beloved pet rabbit, Titan, has passed away. He was very young, it was very sudden and unexpected. I am still in disbelief. I have been trying to distract myself this week and focus on the positives but I keep thinking of him and how upset I am. It helps to believe that this is a small part of the bigger picture. But from my perspective, my whole world has turned upside-down.

screen-shot-2016-10-05-at-1-51-29-pm

I only got to spend a short time with Titan which makes it even harder. There’s tons of great memories to look back on but not nearly enough. I had big plans for my little bun. Once I moved into my first home I was going to setup and outdoor play area. I always wished he could’ve spent more time outdoors, in his natural habitat. I bought him a leash that I only used once.

I know I gave Titan a lot of love and care, but my biggest regret is that I should have gave him even more attention. It’s been a busy couple of years but I should have prioritized him even more. Of course I enjoyed spoiling him and giving him little treats, but I should have done even more. Though, even if I spent every second of his life with him, it still wouldn’t have been enough.

Titan was my first pet rabbit and he showed me how much I love rabbits. I definitely want more rabbits in the future. But no bunny can ever replace Titan.

Towards the end of his life, he was really warming up to people and becoming less skittish. It became much easier to pick him up. He learned how to jump really high this fall. He jumped on and off of my bed and the couch! So adorable!

Titan had a stomach problem that hit him very suddenly. Luckily it didn’t just happen in the blink of an eye. I spent all of Friday giving him love and trying to nurse him back to health. For hours, he sat on my lap as I rubbed his tummy. He looked like he was starting to get better, then suddenly he became weak.

Every terrible experience comes with lessons, so that’s what I’m focusing on. Let this be a lesson that life is fragile. We need to love people and animals while they are still here. Even a tiny health problem is a big warning sign that must be addressed immediately.

I love you Titan, rest in peace.