Tag Archives: change

Flow Friday ~ “No Regrets”

“No regrets” does not necessarily mean that you would repeat the same exact choices you made in the past. In fact, you can be regret-less and still do something differently if given the chance.

The difference is this: you’ve accepted the fact that you cannot go back in time and change things that have already been done. And you are at peace with that. You no longer hold a grudge.

What “no regrets” means is, moving forward, you will choose differently. You will take your lessons from the past and utilize them. You can’t change the past, however you can most certainly change the future.

As frustrating as it is, some lessons must be learned the hard way, or else they never stick. Sometimes the pain is absolutely necessary. And it takes feeling someone else’s pain to understand the pain you have caused.

It takes time and space to be able to see yourself from an outsider’s perspective. And when you do this, you can see where you went wrong.

If you get so caught up in trying to change the past, you will feel powerless. That feeling of powerlessness will crush your self-esteem and therefore cause you to continue making negative choices.

You have to accept everything before you can find clarity. And when you find clarity, it brings back your power, and your confidence to follow your heart and remain true to yourself.

Wish Wednesday ~ make a change

“I want to change my life” is a powerful phrase. It carries a lot of weight.

If you want to see change in your life, think small before you think big.

We crave change when things have either become too comfortable or too uncomfortable. We thrive best when we are balanced.

The problem with change is that it is such an overwhelming thing because it brings us the unknown. If you think too big, change becomes a fantasy — a dream that will never be reached.

The best way to change your life is by changing your day. Our lives are the accumulations of our days. Just take it one day at a time. You don’t have to make a dramatic proclamation in order to see dramatic results. Quite the opposite, actually. Start with your daily habits. Although they seem small, they add up overtime. It’s not about doing a big thing once, but doing small things daily andย  consistently.

You don’t have to move across the country, you don’t have to drop everyone you know, and you don’t have to go to court and change your name and create a whole new identity. The novelty will last no more than a few months, and you will look around and see that nothing has actually really changed for you, and all you’ve ran away from has followed you.

Start simple and small. Focus on things that you will be able to stick with, without becoming overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time.

(P.S. do you like the featured image I chose? Get it, “change?” Get it? Do you get it????)

Little signs that you may be going against your intuition

Our conscious mind likes to hide stuff from our unconscious as a way of protecting ourselves, but only short-term. In the long-term of things, it actually severely destroys us. It’s not like I’m an expert when it comes to culture — but I have noticed that the American culture seems to be all about putting on a happy face and pretending everything is okay… numbing ourselves with overeating and pain medications… the perfect family portrait. I don’t know, surely it’s not exclusive to the USA (probably all first-world nations), I think it is a universal human trait to see things through filters. But it does seem like we overemphasize it here. It creates a lack of empathy when we only see the best in others and can’t imagine what they may be going through behind all that.

To “go against your intuition” is to deny yourself, to be dishonest with yourself, about… not just happiness… but what gives you a sense of purpose and what makes you live life to the fullest.

I have definitely experienced this myself. Please don’t worry, recently, I feel like I have been more connected to my true self than I have in years. I’m still letting fear get in the way from time to time, I still have my struggles and doubts, but I feel myself going upwards no matters how many setbacks I may face. Don’t worry about me because if I was still 100% in this phase then I would not even be able to write this post! I have seen other people go through this too. These are little things we all need to think about on a daily basis because it is way too easy to fall back in a schlump.

Here are little signs that you may be going against your intuition, that you need to get out of your comfort zone and make some changes:

  1. A different type of exhaustion. It doesn’t matter what you do or how much caffeine you consume. You’re just always tired. You may blame it on how busy you are, or how tiring your responsibilities are. All of your “obligations” should be giving you energy, not draining you. The body is capable of so much more strength and endurance than we realize — it’s the mind that tires us. Think about situations when your adrenaline was pumping and you performed fantastically, verses times you had to drag your feet just to complete a basic task.
  2. Unable to clean — messy home, messy car, messy life… Believe it or not, cleaning is a form of meditation: it forces you to be in the moment, be aware of your surroundings, be with your thoughts. Sure cleaning is not very fun, especially if you’re tired or someone else is telling you to. It’s not like you have to scrub the whole bathroom every single day as soon as you get home from work. But if you can’t even put something in a trash can then that’s pretty bad.
    • I believe the psychology behind this is that you are stuck in short-term thinking, disliking the work that is put into cleaning, unable to think long-term and imagine how much better you will feel in a cleaner environment. And short-term thinking is what prevents you from making scary changes that will benefit long-term.
    • In constant, I also want to add that OVER-CLEANING is just as bad. I think it’s due to control issues — taking charge of your environment but in an obsessive way. Unable to accept the fact that life is messy and nothing is perfect.
  3. Stop taking care of yourself. No more working out, no more moisturizing your skin, poor hygienic habits, unhealthy diet. You make “tired-ness” or “busy-ness” or “aging” an excuse. It’s not simply about looking good, it’s about feeling good, which will naturally make you more attractive.
  4. Making passive aggressive comments without even realizing it, without even meaning to hurt someone. This is a way of our subconscious telling us that we have anger: towards someone, or maybe multiple people, or towards a situation, or perhaps only yourself. But then our conscious mind says, “well I didn’t mean to say that! I would never try to offend someone like that on purpose!” Lies, lies, LIES!!! The anger is slipping out but you are not fully letting it escape.
  5. Unhealthy sleeping patterns — either sleeping way too much, not getting nearly enough, constantly napping, insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night wide awake, etc. etc. This is probably the most obvious symptom.
  6. You have no hobbies or skills. Even worse, you have hobbies in mind but you never seem to “get around” to them. Basically, you just watch TV. You know way too many characters and plot lines. Hey, there is nothing wrong with a Netflix binge here and there, that’s fun! But if you do not take the time and effort to challenge yourself, even just on occasion, then your brain turns to mush.
  7. You’re scared — little things scare you more than they really should, you let fear control you, and you worry about everything. The thought of leaving your comfort zone doesn’t even cross your mind.
  8. A different type of headache. It’s like something is tugging on your mind as you try your best to ignore it. The smallest things make you irritable for no good reason. You might randomly snap without warning and make a huge public scene.
  9. You’re waiting for things to get better. Life is happening right now. “The future” is always going to be “the future”… if that makes sense (this one is hardest to explain). If something feels off in the moment then how much is that really going to change? Time is an illusion and doesn’t even exist. For example, your teens and twenties may seem young, but no matter your age (even 5-years old!) you are the oldest you have ever been. You can imagine yourself a few years down the road, but it will always be just an “imagining,” and so it’s easy to lie to yourself and say that you will feel differently in the future.

And so I’d like to end on a positive note. Denial is more powerful than we realize even though it comes with good intentions — it just wants to protect you. You have to show your denial that you don’t need protection, that you are strong enough for truth. Face your denial like a friend, not an enemy. Understand the good intentions it came with. But make it understand, with care, that you are much better off without it.

One day at a time

It’s okay to take it one day at a time. It’s okay to completely drop your vision of the future that you held for so long, and trade it in for an open mind with no expectations. Life is full of pain no matter what steps you take, so your choices in life should not be about avoiding pain. It is about what truly feels right, not what you “think” should feel right. Real change takes patience; nothing that is impulsive ever lasts. And that is why I am going slow and steady. I think the universe rewards us when we have enough faith to let go. Faith, patience, and strength must be utilized like never before. It would be so easy for me to turn around at any moment instead of following through with that leap. Yet nothing easy in life is ever worth it.

On the other side of the bridge, waiting for me, is myself… the real self who I have been neglecting… the true self who needs to know that she is strong enough to stand on her own two feet… the actual self who has been waiting for far too long… oh, how I wish I could get to her in the blink of an eye. But as I mentioned before, change takes time. And so I walk this bridge one step at a time, one day at a time…

Beauty of pain & freedom of choice

I see the beauty in everything. To romanticize pain is not necessarily an unhealthy thing. Seeking inspiration from a draining situation is possibly the best way we can cope with our troubles. The beauty of pain is that it motivates us to make changes that are scary because they force us out of our comfort zone. In order to take control, you need to feel okay with feeling out of control. I felt stuck and then realized I am the one who holds the key to my chains. Still, I have so much to think about and figure out. This is only the beginning. All I know is that feeling stuck is a choice we make, and fear is the excuse. I have been a coward for so long and I am ready to begin feeling brave. It’s time to finally figure out what is right for me.

Anger sparks change

Why is there so much pressure to be happy 100% of the time? Most of the smiles we see every day are fake, forced. How come people can’t express their sadness or anger freely, without coming off as worrisome? You know who we should really be worrying about — those who convince us that they their life is perfect and that they are always perfectly happy. Can we please all admit that life is full of hardships? Can you take a moment to think about all the pain that surrounds us? I know that I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that so many people have much tougher struggles than me, and I am always trying my best every day. But ya know what, sometimes I make horrible mistakes, sometimes I think too much, and other times I don’t even think at all. And when somebody is mad at you, it’s probably the worst feeling in the world, knowing you hurt someone when you were only trying to make them happy or make them like you. But thank you for your honesty, and thank you for making me reconsider my actions, and thank you for inspiring change, and thank you for being honest in a world that is constantly telling us we have no right to be angry. Maybe we do or maybe we don’t, but it is what it is.

I know why people are afraid of anger, because anger sparks change, and the greatest fear we have is the unknown. We’re conditioned to be passive, just smile and nod, just get along, don’t cause any friction. But this is how suppression holds its power over us. Anger can be a wonderful thing because it motivates you to actually take action, to make a change. And this world has been in dire need of change for so long. And while there may be change happening, it is not happening nearly fast enough. Nature is beating us because we are trying to work against it instead of with it. If we keep on denying anger then the same cycles are repeated again and again until finally — destruction.

Obviously nobody likes it when someone is mad at them. Sometimes apologies are absolutely meaningless to people, no matter how pure your intentions are. People have a hard time trusting one another and I honestly think that is understandable. I would rather someone admit their anger towards me instead of pretending to be okay. Yes, it’s going to hurt me really badly. Still, I respect your courage to be honest. I have a tendency to be overly optimistic and ignore the warning signs. People need to be blunt with me or else I will remain delusional. How am I ever going to grow, if I am blind to the consequences of my actions?

So don’t be afraid to hurt me or make me cry. The only thing you should fear is the pressure to be perfect, to always be happy. I believe there are two sides to every story, we are all both the heroes and the villains, both the innocent and the guilty, both the victims and the abusers in our own stories. I cannot stress how torturous it feels to know that someone is mad at you. Especially if it is someone who has hurt you, someone you have gone out of your way to impress, someone you have cried over many times, someone you have taken too many stupid risks for. None of that matters, because if someone is mad at you then that’s how they feel. It would be wrong of me to try to convince someone that I need them to feel differently, or that their feelings are “wrong.” If anything I think it’s my job to assure you that your feelings are valid no matter what, and there is really no such thing as “right” or “wrong” feelings, because they are uncontrollable and illogical and cannot be simply classified like that. It is what it is.

I can’t believe how many stupid and reckless things I have done, even when I thought I was just being nice at the time. C’mon. I know better than that. I can’t believe how many embarassing moments I put myself through. I can’t believe how many situations I walked into fully aware that it would end in disaster. I can’t believe, I can’t believe, I can’t believe. Nothing is ever 100% my fault, right? Can I truly believe that? Maybe it is time to change my entire belief system.