I am doing really well with my writing now. Look how I am actually about to finish my 30-day challenge in 30 days. The past two times it took me a couple months. It is because I have been much more inspired lately than I have in the past. I never thought so many people would be interested in anything I have to say. And even if it’s one or two people showing interest, that means a lot. Plus, this is my own therapy and self-expression so people can take it how they want. Only recently have I realized how deeply and beautifully I can enrich my life with nothing but imagination. I have experienced several let-downs in the past year, but my writing brings me back in control and allows me to live the story I choose. My whole life I have always seen writing as my hobby, or my passion, yet now I see it as something so much more.
It can be hard for me to get things done sometimes because I freeze when I become overwhelmed. I would like to work on being able to do one thing at a time instead of feeling like I have to tackle everything at once. It’s difficult because when people are easily overwhelmed it can cause them to shut down.
Sometimes I feel a burning in my heart. My eyes widen and I am hungry for something bigger than myself that I won’t be able to digest. I have tunnel vision and my focus is razor sharp. There is nothing and no one who can stop me. Yet once I get close enough to reach it, it disappears. Suddenly it is miles away and I have to keep running. The vision in my head is unable to meet reality. There is some type of blockage, so heavy and stubborn. I know in my heart that once I lose grip of my desires and set them free, they will come back to me. Unfortunately my strength is weakened, too occupied with cooling down the fire in my heart.
I have learned the hard way that it is important to be aware of your actions and your effect on people. Sometimes we do things totally subconsciously and then play innocent when we see that we have hurt someone. But just because you don’t realize what you may have said or done, you don’t see the extent of how you affect your environment, that is no excuse. You have to open your eyes and look back on the past and become aware of what you were doing. When you make someone feel something, they are going to make you feel it back, and you learn where they were coming from and why they may be upset. You may think “it’s not a big deal, they have no reason to be bothered by this,” and then it comes back to you, and you realize “sure I have no reason to be bothered by this, but it still bothers me.” Sometimes no amount of rationality can shut down your emotions. It’s not like you have to walk on eggshells — just have awareness. See yourself from an outsider’s perspective and ask yourself how you would feel in that position. People are more sensitive than you realize and if somebody means a lot to you then they deserve to be treated with extra care.