I’m going to continue posting this week, but next week posts will be put on pause from Jan 11-17.
My mom is moving into a healthcare facility home next week. I’m following protocols to see her, I will be taking a COVID test, and I will not have to quarantine as long as it’s negative. This is a difficult transition but I know it will take a weight of the family’s shoulders. After this I will be able to fully focus on my work and personal life again. It has definitely been a lot on my plate, although my dad of course has suffered the greatest weight. As mentioned before it’s not simply the memory issues, but a lot of the burden has been her extreme anxiety and constant need for stimulation. Other professional care options haven’t worked for her in the past so this step is absolutely necessary. It’s wonderful how friends and family have been helping, it’s highly appreciated, but still can only go so far. I think what she truly needs is a set routine and reliability. I’m sure it will be a rough start for her, but I’m hoping that as she is doing the same thing every day, around the same people, and has that 24/7 professional care, we will all find more peace.
I don’t want to speak for others, but I feel that personally I will be able to feel more at ease after this. It’s been extremely physically, mentally, emotionally draining to keep up with her needs at this point. It has definitely been a huge distraction in my life, not to say that it’s anyone’s fault because it’s not, and I know consciously that my mom would never want to get in the way others, but I’ve had to put a lot of things on hold regarding my personal life. I really would like to have children who are able to see her and visit her while she is still with us. By the time I was born my grandpa was already progressed with Alzheimer’s, but I still have those memories of him to this day, I know I never saw him at his “best” but I definitely got to know him well, I still got to say that I hugged him and experienced parts of his personality, I still got a feel for who he was.
I don’t think I would’ve had to mental capacity to develop a relationship and start having children during 2020 or even a year or so prior, considering how much I had to be there for my mom on a daily basis, even with travel restrictions. But as my mom moves onto the next phase of her life, I feel like I can finally move onto the next phase of my life. It wouldn’t have been fair for me to jump into a relationship last year when my mind couldn’t be there 100%. But after next week and knowing that my mom is in good hands, I do feel like I can fully move forward and I really am ready for the next phase of my life, I just have to keep pushing past my social anxiety. I do believe in divine timing, and that we can’t control when or what happens to us, but I know my mom has always told me to live my own life and follow my path. She never would’ve wanted me putting my personal life on hold for her, but this was something that I had to do. I think it would upset her that I had to prioritize her over my love life. But again, last year was a time of healing and release for me, and I had to let go of a lot of things so that I could be fully 100% focused on the here and now. I am ready for the next phase of my life.