I wish to be a good girl

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When someone says that they want to be “better” or “good” it can mean a lot of things. It can refer to something specific, like quitting or developing a certain habit. Or it can be very general, involving overall life-change. People also have different versions of what “good” or “bad” means.

So what does it mean when I say “I wish to be a good girl” and how is this any different from before? I will tell you. And I’m not saying I haven’t been any of this before. It’s just that I haven’t always made these things a priority, or been consistent about it.

Feel free to switch gender pronouns to fit yourself (his/him or their/them) if you can relate!

I only say “girl” because I am a girl myself, but this is true for all genders!


1. A good girl follows the rules

A good girl knows that rules are set in place for a reason — and that breaking them comes with negative consequences, not just for her but for everyone involved. While certain rules may seem “unfair” — what’s even more unfair is that she should get away with something that other people in her place would face much harsher backlash for.

2. A good girl doesn’t get sassy

Sassiness can be fun and cute only in allowable situations — when you’re relaxing with someone you can trust, in a relaxable environment. Sassiness should only happen when it’s very clear that you are joking around with someone, when they have communicated to you that they are also joking around. Otherwise, sassiness is seriously rude and disrespectful. It does not imply toughness and it does not resolve issues.

3. A good girl is clean and tidy

A good girl takes care of her body and her home in a way that would be acceptable for guests. It doesn’t matter if there are no guests — a good girl sees herself as a guest in her own body and her own home. She respects herself enough to expect not just others, but herself, to be treated back with equal respect. She takes showers, brushes her teeth, keeps her hair trimmed, makes her bed, washes her dishes, does her laundry, vacuums and sprays, etc. to make herself feel welcome at home.

4. A good girl avoids negative influences

Whether it’s people, TV shows, movies, books, music, etc. — if it contains violence, profanity, promiscuity, or bad vibes — then a good girl avoids it. She does not engage with these people, she does not watch, listen, or consume these things. She understands that negative influences only leads to more negativity. She knows that these are not things to take lightly, that they can be destructive.

5. A good girl doesn’t party

Speaking of negative influences, a good girl doesn’t go out partying. She knows that large crowds + careless intent = peer pressure to make unhealthy decisions. People who gather in large groups with the sole intention to “have fun” end up causing harm. You can still enjoy yourself in healthy and safe ways with moderation and a clear head.

6. A good girl educates herself

Smart decisions can only be made when you have educated yourself. A good girl exercises her brain-muscle so that she can keep it strong and not fall short to any tricks or be easily swayed by others.

7. A good girl is on a schedule

We are creatures of habit, so even a slight disruption in your routine can lead to a great amount of anxiety, which in turn causes unhappiness and negative decision-making. A good girl does the same thing over and over, repeats it every single day, and follows a schedule even when she doesn’t “feel like it.” She knows that consistency is the foundation to making positive decisions that lead to a positive life.

8. A good girl enjoys her own company

Understanding that the world is full of negative influences, everything from the media to the people around you, good girls know how to keep themselves happy. They never become so desperate from loneliness that they turn to anyone or anything for comfort. Instead, they keep their standards high, even if it means being alone.

9. A good girl knows the difference between kindness/politeness & disrespect

A good girl is nice, but not too nice. She will smile, say hello, even give compliments if appropriate. She may go out of her way to give a helping hand. But she knows when the line is crossed. She sees “over-friendliness” for what it is — manipulation, arrogance, lack of awareness, and disrespect for someone’s boundaries.

10. A good girl doesn’t rock the boat

A good girl goes with the flow — and if the waters are tainted, then she quietly swims to another sea. She speaks up when she has something positive, informative, and constructive to say — otherwise she keeps her mouth shut. She does not cause drama, stir things up, spread gossip, say or do things that are disruptive. She keeps the peace.

11. A good girl has a sense of privacy

A good girl keeps her private life to herself. There are certain aspects of your body, your mind, your emotions, etc. that the world is not meant to see. Otherwise you can be easily taken advantage of, or people may think they “know you” and cause you to lose your sense of self-respect.

12. A good girl is patient

Patience is so important. People who thrive on instant gratification make very awful decisions in the long-run. A good girl sacrifices short-term pain for long-term pleasure. A good girl looks at the bigger picture instead of solely focusing on her current needs in that moment. She is not impulsive, she takes time to think first to avoid damage.

13. A good girl has her values sorted out

A good girl knows what she truly wants in life and makes that a priority. She doesn’t live her life according to others. She makes a point to keep up good habits. The only time she refuses to take orders is when they go against her values — when she’s told to do something immoral, for example. In that case, she uses rational intelligence to determine why she has been asked to do this — rather than irrational and disruptive backlash.

14. A good girl is humble

She does not get wrapped up in her ego or pride. Instead of dwelling on what she thinks she “deserves,” she accepts her fate without degrading herself. She accepts her punishment. She does not dwell on “unfairness” because she knows that her perspective is always going to be biased towards herself. She puts trust in authority (but not “blind trust,” she does not stand for anything immoral or abuse of power.) She strives for pleasure but never expects it. If something does not go her way, then that’s that.

15. A good girl doesn’t abuse substances

Whether it’s alcohol or medication, a good girl does not use/overuse a substance to the point where it takes over her life. If she finds herself relying on something that numbs her or brings negative consequences then she will quit. If she finds she can’t take something with moderation or without overdosing then she will quit. If she is losing too much energy, money, etc. then she will quit. She treats her body and mind with respect.

16. A good girl is mindful of her body

A good girl does not resort to promiscuity or hyper-sexuality. Her sensuality is a private matter and only reserved for someone she completely loves and trusts. She may even abstain herself for years and years if she has to. Her emotional/mental needs come before her physical needs. She does not use her body as a tool for getting what she wants, her body is a sacred temple.

17. A good girl tries her best

A good girl tries her very best, and sometimes that’s not good enough. Sometimes we make mistakes and slip up. Nobody is perfect. A good girl can accidentally have her “bad girl” moments without meaning to. What matters is that she learns and shows remorse and improvement.


A common misconception is that “good girls (or boys) are weak,” and that “bad girls (or boys) are tough.” In contrary, it actually takes the most strength to be “good.” Society wants to see you be “bad,” and profit off of your negative decisions. Goodness takes the highest amount of self-respect and self-discipline. So don’t be scared to be good.

Do you agree or disagree with my definitions? What do you consider to be “good”?

6 comments

  1. I used to have a very rigid idea of “good” as a child, although my rules for what that meant were often confusing. I tried to avoid saying “bad words” but somehow I thought “cool” was on that list. πŸ€” I’m still rediscovering and challenging those rules from my past, testing them to find the truer version that will guide me on a balance between self-expression and care for others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, “good” and “bad” can have very different meanings to people. Some people do negative things and call themselves good, some people do positive things and still feel like they are bad. And then some things are grey and really depend on the situation. I agree you have to find your personal truth. That’s funny you considered “cool” a bad word, hahaha. I can kind of see that because it’s like “the cool crowd” is involved in groupthink which leads to negative behavior.

      Liked by 1 person

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