Nixie, the little pixie, had turned the age of twenty-two — a significant age for nature spirits. Twenty-two meant bondage and partnership. At this age, many nature spirits either met their lover for the first time, married, gave birth, or strengthened their bond with their current partner.
Nixie stood by the lake and felt her mother’s presence. Although her ghost was gone, she could still feel her energy by the water. She no longer spoke to her through distinct words, but through feeling. Her mom’s messages told Nixie that she was safe, that everything was okay, and that she was still there supporting her.
Nixie’s homeland where she was raised, the ocean village, had just proclaimed that after years and years of debate, it was settled that a new order was taking over. The royals were stripped of their powers and now the citizens were deciding who was in charge. Now they that were done fighting over whether or not there should be a new order, now they were fighting over who should run the new order — an endless fight!
And it was not only her hometown that was affected. Many, many villages run by nature spirits were now changing their ways — including Emerald Covert. It was a trend that was taking over and spreading faster than a virus.
Nixie was displeased by this drastic shift. She feared it would only cause more confusion and chaos among the nature spirits. However, she was just as much skeptical about the royals and their abuse of power. A part of her thought… perhaps no one should be in power…
Nixie and Neldor moved over to the village next door to start over. Immediately, Neldor began gathering materials, recruiting followers, and setting up a system to create his own empire.
Nixie woke up one morning in their cave feeling tremendously ill. Her body was feverish, her energy was drained, and her stomach was fluttering. She worried a demonic force had entered her body, and that she needed and exorcism, so she ran to the high priestess of the village.
Beaming with joy, the priestess informed her, “you are with child!”
Nixie gasped in disbelief! And then, she impatiently teleported to find Neldor and share the good news.
Neldor was excited, but fearful. This meant that he would be far too busy to focus on earning coins and establishing leadership. He rubbed Nixie’s stomach and kissed it for good luck.
“We weren’t quite ready to move forward, yet I suppose the universe had other plans for us!” Nixie surrendered.
However, tragedy struck when Nixie woke up a few days later in a pool full of blood. Tears streamed down her face as her stomach clenched in excruciating pain. It was like a million knives being stabbed into her abdomen.
Yet the physical discomfort she felt unparalleled the emotional torture that succumbed. A great depression smacked her in the head like a tsunami. She weeped so loudly that it echoed to the mountains.
Nixie’s baby spirit rose above her body peacefully.
“Why has my body rejected you?” she cried out, “and why have you rejected me?”
“Not ready,” the spirit responded.
“Am I not fertile? Will you ever come back to me?”
“What do you mean? Ready for what?”
And with that, the spirit flew away and was taken into Nixie’s mother’s arms.
Nixie sat alone in the woods by a small creek that streamed into a river. She angrily chucked rocks into the water, searching for a sense of comfort.
Nixie thought about Nova. She always feared Nova would disappear, and then she did… but then she came back… and yet Nixie pushed her away. She grew regretful over her lack of sympathy. She should have accepted Nova’s apology, she should have chased after Nova, she shouldn’t have held back so much…
Nixie wondered where Nova could be now. She wondered… what if I kissed her back? What if I just ditched Neldor right then and there? Now I’ll never know…
And now, Rose was married. I should’ve been more open and honest with Rose… I should’ve fought for her instead of letting her run back to Melia… I should’ve asked her if she ever had feelings for me… what’s the worst she could say? “No”?
She thought of Ariel… I shouldn’t have been such an airhead… I should’ve opened up my eyes and given her a chance… I should’ve done more exploring…
She thought of Gandalf… I should’ve been more straight-forward with him… I should’ve demanded answers from him instead of letting him make me guess…
She thought of Xantho… I shouldn’t have let him push me around like that… I should’ve fought back… I should’ve stood up for myself…
Nixie was spiraling deeper and deeper into a pit of remorse and regret. It was time for her to accept the past. It was time to let it go.
Just then, Nixie saw a shadow coming closer… and closer… she felt a strong energy coming. It was someone from her past. Who could it be? Had the gods and goddesses been listening to her prayers and decided to let her fix things with someone? Who was it? Who was coming back to her?
And there he was — Lazarus!
“Seriously?!” Nixie burst with disappointment.
“I miss you,” Lazarus confessed.
With a deep sigh, Nixie replied, “I suppose you have always been a question mark…” she was almost willing to give him a chance.
“Come back home with me and we can make love!” He demanded.
“You know I’m with Neldor, right?” Nixie was disgusted.
“That’s okay! I have a lover, too!”
“Get outta here!” Nixie screamed in revulsion. She used her magical powers to create a wave so powerful it shot him far, far away, and she hoped to never see him again!
After taking a few breaths to calm herself down, Nixie wondered, why am I crying over the past? Why can’t I be happy with my present and hopeful for my future? Is it time to let go of Neldor?
Nixie reached her arms out and spread them like an eagle’s wings. She closed her eyes and focused on her breath. A gust of wind formed around her body and swirled her around. The air swept her away, taking her much deeper into the woods, and she let it happen.
“Universe, take me where I need to be,” she prayed. “Bring me forth as I shed what must be left behind.”
Nixie closed her eyes and trusted where the wind was blowing her. And she kept them shut until the movement stopped, and she stood still.
Nixie then opened her eyes as wide as ever — standing on top of a hand that was at least ten times the size of her body — looking into the face of a great giant.
“Oh, how pretty you are!” he cheered with delight.
Nixie’s heart nearly thumped out of her chest. She couldn’t believe how big he was!
“Are you a giant?” she queried with awe and bafflement.
“Why, yes!” he grinned, “yes, I am!”
“I’m just a little pixie!” she squeaked.
“I can see that!”
Nixie paused for a moment to observe his rugged handsomeness. A quick analyzation: confident yet humble, strong yet sensitive, optimistic yet realistic, and very, very, very eccentric.
“Why are you staring at me like that? You’re making me nervous…”
“I’m simply trying to figure out who you are. Are you a leader? Are you a teacher? Are you a king?”
“I am your equal!”
“Well, you better believe it!”
“I don’t believe you, silly! That’s preposterous!”
“I’m just like you.”
“You think a ginormous giant is on the same level as a witty-bitty pixie?”
He giggled and blushed, “I don’t think it, I know it.”
Smoke appeared as the trees began corrupting into flames! Their electromagnetic chemistry had sparked a forest fire!
“Oh, no!” Nixie panicked.
“Let me return you to safety!” He offered.
“But wait — shall we meet again?”
“I’m afraid not,” his jolly expression suddenly turned to stone, “I should warn you — I’m cursed. A spell was cast on me long ago. I am not capable of love. So don’t bother with me.”
With deep sorrow, Nixie was able to return home to safety.
Once again, Nixie was all by herself.
And then out of nowhere — another visitor!
Nixie ground her teeth, praying it would not be another ghost of her past…
In contrary — it was the ghost of her future!
She was a water pixie, just like Nixie… in fact, she looked identical to Nixie… there was something slightly different, though. There was more wisdom in her eyes.
“Who are you?” she interrogated.
“I’m you!” she replied, “I’m also Nixie — a few years from now!”
“You’re me? You’re future-me?”
“Yup!” Future-Nixie glowed, “I’m from the future.”
“I fasted for thirty days and spent every waking moment meditating and praying for a chance to go back. And thanks to my dedication, I made it!” There was fire in her eyes, “I need you to listen to me — it’s URGENT!“
“Okay,” Nixie gulped.
“You know that giant you just met?”
“Now, listen — I need you to go find him. I need you to never give up on him and never let him go. Because one day you’re going to wake up and fear that it’s all too late. You’re gonna feel like you ran out of chances. Time is running out!”
“What do you mean?!”
“Haven’t you learned anything from your past? Don’t you understand now, how important it is to be open and honest? You know the universe can hand you a million opportunities, but it’s up to you to actually take them!”
“But he’s cursed! He told me himself, he’s unlovable!”
“That’s what his words said. But what did his eyes say?”
“Well… look! He said what he said! He doesn’t want me to even bother!”
“C’mon, Nixie!” Future-Nixie shook her by the shoulders with frustration, “you’re a smart girl! Yet you’ve been playing dumb for too long!”
“I don’t understand!”
“Alright,” Future-Nixie took a deep breath, “here’s how it’s gonna go: you’re going to keep ignoring your intuition, keep shoving your feelings away like you always do, keep arrogantly assuming everything will fall into place without any effort. You’re going to underestimate him, and underestimate yourself. And it is going to destroy you… rip you apart to shreds… shatter you into pieces… unless you FIGHT!”
Completely taken aback, Nixie replied, “calm down! You’re scaring me!”
“Oh, believe me, nothing is scarier than feeling like you’ve missed out on your destiny.”
“Okay!” Nixie gave in, “so, you want me to give the giant a chance?”
“You have to!!!”
“You think he’ll give me the time of day?”
“I think it’s worth figuring out! Now, don’t throw yourself at him, but don’t hide from him either. Don’t force an opportunity, but when it comes, you better take it.”
“It’s just that… he’s SO BIG! He’s too big for me! I’m so tiny! I’m terrified!”
“Don’t be terrified! Be confident! Be bold! And be brave!”
“I suppose…” Nixie gulped.
“Repeat after me! I AM CONFIDENT!”
“I am confident…”
“I AM CONFIDENT!”
“I AM BOLD!”
“I AM BOLD!”
“And I AM BRAVE!”
“I AM BRAVE!!!”
And then Nixie, the little pixie, followed her destiny towards the big giant…
Your past does not define you. It’s important to remember your past in order to harness the lessons you’ve learned that will propel you forward into a much greater future.
Letting go is scary. But when you look back and see how many times the universe forced you to let you, you can see how you were also rewarded with something so much better.
Keeping your guard held high does not to protect you. It will only shield you from missed opportunities. You will find more peace when you look back and know that you gave it your all, even if it lead to failure. Nothing is more agonizing than feeling like you didn’t try hard enough or that you took things for granted.
Nixie found that as she got older, many repressed childhood memories came back to her — not to haunt her, but to heal her. Nixie went to visit Grandmother Tree one final time before seeking her giant.
“Grandmother Tree,” she began, “I understand that we must release our past before we can embrace our future.”
“Correct,” Grandmother Tree proudly agreed.
“I need to tell you something before I go. You don’t need to respond, I just need you to listen.”
“I’m here, child.”
Nixie paused and breathed for a moment… before confessing, “something happened to me when I was really young, about four or five-years old. Somebody did something to me that they shouldn’t have done. And they were definitely old enough to know better,” she paused again… “you see, the thing is, I don’t want to bring it up and I don’t want to confront the person — I just want to pretend it never happened.”
“Ignorance is not bliss,” Grandmother Tree comforted, “you must acknowledge in order to release.”
“You’re very right. And you know what? I have every right to be angry. I don’t want revenge, I don’t even want justice… I guess, I just want acknowledgment… I want someone to tell me, ‘it’s okay to be angry with someone you’re supposed to be able to trust,’ I want the validation. I want someone to tell me that I’m brave. I want someone to tell me that I’m not a victim — I’m a survivor.“
“Anyone can tell you that. But can you, tell you that?”
“My future-self told me I’m brave. My past-self would tell me that I’m brave. And now it’s time for me to tell my present-self… I am brave.”
“Survivors far too easily forgive their abusers while placing the blame on themselves, losing trust in themselves, developing a strong self-hated.”
“You’re right. And I have internalized my anger for far too long. You know, the first step is the hardest step — and that’s acknowledgment. I will work through this, and I will rise above.”
Nixie, the little pixie, gave Grandmother Tree a great hug. And it was time for her to be the bravest she could possibly be.