Flow Friday ~ open up

One of my goals this year is to open up more…

Although I consider myself to be  open-minded, I can also be very closed in some ways.

I have a hard shell around me. There’s a lot going on under the surface that I don’t always like to reveal.

Sometimes this can get in the way. It makes me feel like I am not truly living life to the fullest.

This is due to: high self-consciousness, perfectionism, holding myself to high standards, and social anxiety.

This deadly combination makes me prone to self-criticism.

I don’t like to put any part of myself out there unless I feel like it’s good enough.

But often it feels like nothing is ever good enough. And then I close myself up.

And sometimes it feels like this is the way I am, this is how I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to ever lose myself or feel like I’m faking it.

I try to remind myself that I have the ability to open up while also remaining true to the essence of my character.

Did you know that you can still be introverted and independent… while also being open at the same time…?

I’m not ashamed of the things that make me different. I’m proud to say that I am not a social butterfly.

I don’t want to be a big talker. I don’t want to lose my awareness. I don’t want to be best friends with everyone I meet. I don’t want to bend to everyone’s demands and expectations. And I don’t want to go easy on myself.

I want to let go of resistance.

I want to see the world outside of my little box.

I want to feel comfortable embracing who I truly am.

In order to manifest internal change, you must examine your deep-rooted beliefs.

As a child, classmates, teachers, even friends and family would encourage me to open up in ways that I could not understand. They all told me to “talk more” or “participate more.”

But for me, the only messages I took from that was “you need to change,” or “you are less than perfect,” or “your personality is wrong.”

That was how I perceived it.

The truth is, they all had positive intentions. They wanted more of me. They liked me for who I was, they just simply wanted more of it.

But that was not how I saw it at the time. I didn’t understand what they were trying to say.

I was so focused on the negative: the criticism.

It took me so long to see the message for what it was. That people were trying to get me to open up in ways I could not personally relate to.

A talkative person can be just as closed up as a quiet one.

It’s less about how you act, and more about your state of mind.

People have the ability to feel one another’s vibes. You can feel if a person is more open or closed to your energy. It’s not about outward appearance, but a feeling that you pick up on.

I know it’s frustrating when you feel so distant from someone, especially when you are excited to get to know them more, and they won’t budge. I can see how people feel offended or uncomfortable by someone who seems closed.

It’s not just about putting others at ease. It’s mainly something I deserve to do for my own self.

When you open up, not only do the people around you feel better, but you also will feel better yourself. You will see more, experience more, and learn more.

Being open only makes you vulnerable to pain if you are overly focused on criticism, like I once was.

And so, I’d like to move past my fears and expand my personal universe!

When you make an internal change, you don’t have to change your true nature.

You can make changes and still be yourself!

It’s not about reconfiguring your character — it’s about ascending your soul to a higher level and moving past fear.

I hope to move past my insecurities. I hope to focus less on the criticism and negative.

Open up and love more.